starspangledspandex | Post AoU for starkingenuity

Post AoU for starkingenuity

He's old. Old enough to have settled down. Old enough he's letting other people save the world and only stepping in from time to time. There's no 'Honey I'm home' when he steps through door. There's silence and quiet. He makes dinner for one. His bed is cold. He sits and reads the paper while he watches the world move on outside. There's laughter in the hallway. Footsteps. No one knocks on his door. He eats leaning against the counter in the kitchen. Alone. All alone. 'I got no plans tomorrow night' echos in his mind.

Suddenly, no one is on the streets. There are no numbers in his phone. Everything empty and gone and there's just Steve. Steve standing in nothingness. 'Man out of time' 'Nothing but a soldier' 'You can't live without a war' 'Go home, Steve'

He jolted awake, hand raising to rub at his face and it shouldn't have been a nightmare at all but it is anyway. How alone he felt in this century. His friends helped, they did, but they couldn't always be here. He lived and breathed his life as an Avenger. What else did he have? Nothing. He shook it off, like he always did and got dressed, laced up his boots. Most of his team was out of the picture right now. Off doing whatever they did on leave.

Steve paced his room at the New Avenger facility, paced the hallways and spoke to the Agents that were here. He took a walk outside and thought of Tony. The billionaire visited every once in awhile but it'd been awhile. He didn't even know what the man was up to now but Steve... Steve needed to connect with someone to shake off the dredges of his loneliness, someone that wasn't just working here, someone he had a connection to.

So he called Tony.

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Steve was tired and she didn't need to be in his head to see it either. He eyed her again, considering as he weighed their options. He didn't like it. She didn't need to see what worse things people were capable of doing.

Steve's shoulders dropped slightly. It was hard to be captain of the Avengers. He couldn't fill the gap left by Pietro but he did his best to support her when she needed it, to vouch for her.

"I need to be there when you do it," he told her, raising a hand to stop any protests. Steve knew she could protect herself but she needed back-up. They couldn't let him run and he was physically stronger than her. It only took a moment to lose the upper hand. "And maybe Natasha."

"Tell me when." Wanda was ready and prepared. More than ready in all honesty. She wanted to help and if it would keep Bucky from hurting her new friends, her family, she didn't feel that this was even a choice. It was what needed to be done.

SHIELD agents surrounded the door after Steve left, each one prepared as far as anyone could be prepared for the Winter Soldier. It would give Steve a little while to walk around and think at least.

"Give me an hour," Steve told her. He needed the time to think and clear his head so that he was ready for this. It wasn't easy to decompress but before they messed with Bucky's head he really needed to focus.

Now was a good time to check on Tony and make sure he was doing alright anyway. He felt like any immediate threat from Bucky was currently over and trusted the agents not to be stupid.

It was Friday that answered the call in her chipper, programmed voice. "Mr. Stark is sleeping now," she told Steve. "He took a see bit too many pain killers for the job and more scotch than I recommended but you know the boss! He never listens. Would you care to leave a message?"

The truth was that Tony was not sleeping. He'd been taken care of quickly and easily, had skin and bones more or less printed back into place again though that didn't stop the pain.

What he was doing was drowning himself in work. He'd listened to Bucky rant about Howard. Steve's best friend had killed his dad. That wasn't much of a problem. The Soldier was not Bucky. He was just too busy sulking over being alone.

He'd expected to come to with Steve there.

Steve did know Tony, that was true, but he didn't know him well enough to even begin to guess that Friday might be lying to him. He was really hoping to talk to him. It would have made him feel better to hear the older man tell him how he was feeling himself, instead of through a robot. It would have made a nice distraction. Now he was going to have to go for a walk or something.

"Yeah, just let him know I called to see how he was doing and that we're all settled in here. If he needs anything, let me know," he told the AI. "And tell him sorry I didn't visit in medical. I couldn't leave until Bucky was somewhat stable."

"Will do, Cap!"

The older man was lonely but it was a loneliness he understood very, very well. It was a loneliness he had lived with his entire life. Just because he had fucked Steve for over two days straight (and had meals with him and watched movies and laughed and the other things people did as couples) didn't mean anything in the long run.

Steve could make it up to him. Later.

An hour passed and Natasha, Sam and Wanda found Steve wandering alone by the gym. "Hey, Steve," Sam said with a smile. "Let's get this thing done."

It meant more than he wanted to consider right now. He might, when some of the dust settled, have more time to focus on his feelings. He didn't know where they would lead him but he needed to be honest with himself about it. It wasn't going to happen when he was focused on Bucky.

He would definitely make it up to him. Ice cream was a good apology, right? He would just melt it a little on his abs. Problem solved.

So he went for a walk. Paced. Punched the bag a few dozen times. Was it fair to mess with the man's head when Hydra already did? He didn't see how that would help him trust them. He shifted toward them when they came up, "We need to ask his permission. If he doesn't want to do it, we can't push it."

Wanda said nothing, neither did Natasha so Sam felt the need to point out the obvious.

"Steve? How do we know he won't just be... I don't know, doing it because we tell him to?" The man shrugged but no one seemed to have a really good idea on how to gauge how much Bucky was in there when the Soldier had been sitting quietly and still for over an hour and a half now.

"I... What I would like to do is block the bad memories. It is like a bandage or a dam. It won't last forever but it will keep him more himself," Wanda said finally at the door when no one had any other input. "Perhaps that way on our next sessions he can give better permission?"

"He might," he admitted, because the man seemed to respond to orders. He really wished it were easier but there was no sense in dwelling on it. "But we're going to ask anyway."

It would make him feel better. Friends encouraged friends to do what they thought was best for them. So long as they asked, they weren't like Hydra. They weren't forcing it on him. "He says he's done and that's it," he told Wanda as they stood outside Steve's room. "We have to respect him. He has to trust us to do the right thing."

He nodded, "Do what you have to but... be careful."

They did ask and Bucky didn't move. Sam asked again just to be clear but he stepped back the moment those pale eyes turned towards him and tried to play it off as if he hadn't been momentarily frightened.

Wanda took her spot behind the Soldier, fingers moving on either side of his head before they both tranced out. What she found in there moved her to tears and she pulled back after only three sort minutes, gasping for breath. Bucky leaped to his feet immediately and both Natasha and Sam pulled their weapons before Steve's best friend sprinted off to the bathroom.

Natasha moved to the door first and leaned her head against it before she holstered her weapon. "Sam, help me with Wanda." The rest was for Steve to do.

When there was no response, Steve just nodded at Wanda. They weren't going to get an answer and he was worried that the longer they left him this way, the more it would stick. He didn't want Bucky reverting back into the Soldier if they could help it.

When everything erupted, he took a step forward, eyes on Bucky even as a hand reached for Wanda. He was always torn. Always. He was glad he brought back-up to this. They would take care of her while he went to the door.

He knocked lightly, figuring he would wait before doing something drastic like busting the door down, "Bucky?"

"Why didn't I die?!" The door wasn't locked, Bucky just didn't want strangers to see him cry. It wasn't very manly at all and he felt the need to keep up that appearance. Once upon a time, he'd been able to take any dame he wanted to out for a good time, get a kiss here or there, and not have to worry about losing part of himself. He could barely remember what happiness was like, but he did know now that there was some other person inside of him looking out through his eyes. He could almost feel him squirming.

If Steve came in, he'd find Bucky seated on the floor, wedged between the toilet and the shower. He barely fit in there, but they told you to take cover from bombs when they were kids and...

This felt like he was getting bombs dropped on his head

His eyes closed at the words. They pierced him straight to his heart. Memories of his friend laughing still shown in his mind. So happy and carefree. He barely knew what to say now.

Quietly, he tried the handle and after hesitating a moment, he came in. He shut the door gently behind him. He understood not wanting anyone to see him but they were friends. Seventy-five years ago the man would have done the same for him.

"Guess somebody thought we should be together again," he murmured. This was surely fate--wasn't it? How could it not be? All this stuff happening now. "The real answer is Zola. That first time I came after you, he did some kind of experiment. It was the start of the entire process."

Leave it to Steve to say all of the right words. Bucky looked terrible, but he had to grin when the blond sat across from him, knees up. He remembered him being so small.. That image was still first and foremost in his mind. He remembered his life around the war so clearly. The initial experiments, Steve finding him, and the train, those were blurry and difficult to grasp, so he didn't even try. "Doesn't matter. I'm all sorts of messed up but you're still taller than me and yeah, we're together again. So that's something."

Whatever Wanda did to block the trauma was a small miracle. Bucky was still a little shaken and every time he saw his hand he broke out into a sweat or started to hyperventilate. But it was a start.

"Guess...it's my turn for those cushions on the floor," he said as it was growing dark outside. He'd moved to Steve side and while he wasn't touching him, he almost was and that felt good too. Maybe one day he'd trust himself with another person again.

Steve figured the best thing to do was sit across from him. How long had it been since they did something like this? Usually, it was Bucky coming to him. He was going to do everything he could to return the favor.

"It's something," he agreed and he figured it was only fair to explain how they got to this point. "Wanda is able to get in people's heads. She put up some blocks to help you adjust to things. They aren't going to last forever. We're hoping if we do this more gradually, it will help in the long run."

He turned his gaze on the other man when he shifted and he wasn't worried. He trusted Bucky even after the man gave him a run for his money. "I'm sure we can find you a bed," he told him. "Fury is going to play this one close. Armed guard in the hall. Escort at all times. We don't want to risk having to start this again. We want to get you back on your feet."

Not what he'd wanted to hear but it was better than being thrown back in the ice box and for that he was grateful. "Sounds... Better than I was thinking," Bucky said softly and glanced towards the door. Someone was outside. Someones, plural. He could hear them. "Guess it's time to face some of the music."

He put a hand to Steve's shoulder and drew him into a brief hug of thanks before going to meet with his guards. Sam and Natasha would take care of him.

Steve needed to rest.

No, they weren't putting him back in a box. Steve would fight tooth and nail if they even thought about it. He could hear them moving out there too but he trusted none of them would make a move unless he actually conveyed needing it.

"If you need anything, I'm here for you Bucky," Steve smiled as he stood, returning the hug. "The team is on your side too, Natasha, Sam, Wanda. We'll get this figured out."

Steve did need his rest but standing, staring at his bed alone, he almost couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't have many people he could call to bother right now either. Everyone was busy with Bucky and he couldn't pull them away from it. He dug his phone out and tried to call Tony again.

"It's the second time he's called, Boss," Friday said tentatively when Tony told her to put the call through to voice mail. "And you ought to be resting."

"Resting is the last thing I want to do," Tony muttered and turned his music up. It was Friday that took it upon herself to answer Steve.

"Captain, would you happen to be near the Tower? You have been the only person that's gotten the boss to sleep since I came online." That's the trouble with AI. They learned to think for themselves.

He waited for Friday to argue with Tony. Steve didn't know if that was actually what was going on but he could only assume that was what was taking so long. It meant he probably wasn't going to get to talk to him. Again.

Steve rubbed his hand over his face at the question, sitting heavily down on his bed and he sighed, "No, I'm sorry, I'm not. I'm at the New Avengers facility." Two hours out and he couldn't leave. "With Bucky in custody, I can't leave. I can't trust his programming won't come back. They'll need me if he snaps."

The AI was obviously thinking of what to do. "I see. Well, he'll tire himself out and pass out I'm sure," she said, though she had lost a good bit of her cheerfulness. She wasn't quite as formal as JARVIS, a bit more childish. Tony had created her a long time ago, his girl Friday. "Hopefully away from his tools. And not under the engine."

She paused again, perhaps expecting humor. When it didn't come, she didn't sound so offended.

"Perhaps if I--". There was the sound of Guns N' Roses piped in loudly. "Oh! Boss! Sorry I accidentally connected the Captsin!" Yeah. Whoops.

No, Steve didn't find that image funny whatsoever. JARVIS would have been a little more understanding of the soldier's plight. He knew that Tony regularly fell asleep while working but he didn't realize he usually put himself in so much danger when he did. It was an obvious guilt trip but it was working. The only problem was he couldn't actually leave. He couldn't.

He jerked the phone away from his ear at the sound of 'music' blaring through the speaker. Ow. Accidentally, right, like Tony was going to believe that.

"I just wanted to know how you were feeling," he said, a bit loud and he hoped Friday would at least think to cut the music.

If Friday had a neck to choke-- Tony really would have considered choking her at this point. He groaned before the music was cut, grateful that all of this was just audio.

"I put my teeth under my pillow and the tooth fairy came," Tony said, sounding like there was cotton in his mouth from all of the swelling. He'd lost two molars but they were in the process of being regrown to insert back into his mouth.

Without Helen, sometimes it was hard to get the technology in. Perhaps in a few hours he would feel more whole.

"How's your bestie?"

He frowned at the comment and he heard that it was muffled. It didn't surprise him that Bucky knocked out a few teeth. Steve was a mess after a few punches. He could only imagine how Tony felt even if Bucky was only using his hand on someone that wasn't as sturdy.

They were all lucky it was only a few teeth.

Steve was quiet for a moment. "He's a mess," he said finally. "Keeps drifting in and out. Wanda got in his head to sort things out but it's only a temporary fix."

"Good, probably just as good as a shrink," Tony commented before he pushed away from his console and gingerly sat back down.

He was still dealing with some broken ribs and enough swelling to make him look terrible. His eye was still swollen shut as well, so his stereoscopic vision wasn't exactly all it was cracked up to be. It made any work he was doing all the more dangerous.

"Guess you're not holding up too well?" He sounded tired, Steve did. "Should get a little Sokovia Scramble for yourself."

"I don't think it works the same way," he responded with a small shake of his head. All it did was put it off. Eventually, he would have to deal with the memories.

He was tired and he couldn't deny it. Steve rubbed his hand over his face. "Honestly, I've had enough her being in my head."

Steve trusted her but he didn't need someone fiddling with his head. He was still trying to shake off the effects of the first time and she couldn't fix his problem. Steve also didn't need her picking up on anything else.

Post AoU for starkingenuity

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