starspangledspandex | Post AoU for starkingenuity

Post AoU for starkingenuity

He's old. Old enough to have settled down. Old enough he's letting other people save the world and only stepping in from time to time. There's no 'Honey I'm home' when he steps through door. There's silence and quiet. He makes dinner for one. His bed is cold. He sits and reads the paper while he watches the world move on outside. There's laughter in the hallway. Footsteps. No one knocks on his door. He eats leaning against the counter in the kitchen. Alone. All alone. 'I got no plans tomorrow night' echos in his mind.

Suddenly, no one is on the streets. There are no numbers in his phone. Everything empty and gone and there's just Steve. Steve standing in nothingness. 'Man out of time' 'Nothing but a soldier' 'You can't live without a war' 'Go home, Steve'

He jolted awake, hand raising to rub at his face and it shouldn't have been a nightmare at all but it is anyway. How alone he felt in this century. His friends helped, they did, but they couldn't always be here. He lived and breathed his life as an Avenger. What else did he have? Nothing. He shook it off, like he always did and got dressed, laced up his boots. Most of his team was out of the picture right now. Off doing whatever they did on leave.

Steve paced his room at the New Avenger facility, paced the hallways and spoke to the Agents that were here. He took a walk outside and thought of Tony. The billionaire visited every once in awhile but it'd been awhile. He didn't even know what the man was up to now but Steve... Steve needed to connect with someone to shake off the dredges of his loneliness, someone that wasn't just working here, someone he had a connection to.

So he called Tony.

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He glanced down at the blood with a worried face and he was sorry about the tape but there wasn't a better way. He saw Tony look beyond him and he frowned slightly, murmuring, "He doesn't know what he's doing. He's messed up pretty bad."

Steve blinked as Tony rested his head on his chest and then raised a hand to gently tangle in his hair. "We have a medical team on the way," he relayed, glancing again toward Bucky. He was torn here. Seriously torn. They both needed him right now.

He stayed where he was for now, keeping an eye on Bucky and offering Tony the comfort he clearly wanted. It was incredibly fond of the man leaning against him. The past two days kind of sealed the deal on it. He had been incredibly worried about him, just like he was Bucky.

"I'm sure he's going to be so much fun as a dementia patient in a few decades," Tony said, though it was hardly his finest sting. He did close his eyes when Steve stroked the back of his head and neck and the moment his hands were freed, he set one against the Captain's ribs. "I'm okay. You need to finish up, Cap."

There was still quite a lot to do by way of wrangling Bucky back in.

Indeed, Natasha's voice reached Steve through his earpiece. "Cuddle later, Captain. There might be a run. He's starting to look nervous."

"Yeah," he muttered, trying not to think of his first experience with dementia and failing a little. Hell, Bucky was basically one now. He nodded, patting him once more," Alright, behave yourself with the nurses."

Slowly, he stood back up and turned toward Bucky. He moved closer but not directly at him. "Hey listen," he said quietly. "I'd like you to come back with me."

Bucky didn't even nod, but his eyes looked grateful. He kept them on Steve and Steve alone as he stepped away from the wall. Natasha's presence on the stairs, speaking in Russian, caused Bucky to calm further and he followed her back up as the medical team was charging down passed them.

"Steve, Stark is going to be okay. You need to stay with out target," Natasha said gently. "The jet is waiting. Back to HQ?"

He only hesitated long enough to make sure that Tony was being cared for before he finished ascending the steps. He told himself it was just because he wanted his team to know he was there to support him. He wouldn't want to leave any of them.

Steve nodded, eyes on Bucky as he pointed in the direction of the jet. "Back to HQ, send a message ahead to let them know we're bringing a friend. Get the hangar as cleared out as we can."

Sam ended up staying behind with Stark until Tony became too insufferable and he followed the quinjet back. Natasha kept glancing at Steve the whole time, she'd caught that moment after all and it was her business to read people...even if they didn't want to be read. Her eyes carefully led to a little smirk before they arrived back at HQ, Falcon landing just a few moments later while they were still bringing Bucky into the hangar itself.

"I can see why he hit him in the mouth so many times," Sam joked.

The ride in the jet was quiet. He wasn't sure exactly what to do with Bucky yet. He was busy organizing his arrival with Fury. Bringing the former Winter Soldier back to base made people understandably nervous. Steve was going to have to stick to him like glue.

"Alright," he said eying the other man as they stepped out into the hangar. "Before we do anything else, let's get you a shower and some clean clothes. Sound good?"

Bucky was plastic at the moment, something that had been patently introduced into his programming so that he wouldn't fight so much at the end of a mission. Three days ago, Steve had Tony up against the wall of his room. Now, he had his best friend stripping inside of it while SHIELD agents and Avengers waited, armed, just outside. Bucky didn't have any particular issue with nudity. He was just told that he was to shower and change. That he could do. Easily.

Steve might have liked being given commands but for his friend, they were necessary to get anywhere with him. Tony's blood was all over the metal hand when Bucky waited for the shower to be turned on for him. He didn't even notice.

Steve knew what was waiting outside the door. If he needed help, if it even sounded like he needed helped, an entire squad of armed agents and Avengers would come through that door to subdue Bucky. They weren't like Steve who would do anything but kill the man to stop him. If they needed to take him out, they would. There was a lot riding on this.

He kept his eyes averted as the man stripped. Clearly, his modesty went out the window with his memories. Of course, he probably didn't even know what that was anymore. Steve read the files. Read about what they did to him. Undoing all of that... it was going to be grueling.

After a minute, Steve realized that Bucky wasn't going to turn the water on himself. He didn't know why. There were a number of reasons. Number one on the list was just how tightly regimented his routine had been with Hydra. He was dangerous, powerful, they would want as much control over him as they could manage.

"Do you know how the shower works?" he asked patiently. "You're welcome to turn it on yourself."

Bucky did, thankfully, know how a shower worked. He had been taking them on an off for awhile now, whenever the voice in his head telling him to find the nearest HYDRA base wasn't blotting out other commands. The first time he had tried, he destroyed the shower.

It would be a funny story to tell Steve one day, maybe.

He stepped into the spray after a few moments, not feeling the hot or the cold. His hair was plastered to his neck and the water rinsed the blood from his hands. He seemed to slump a little and then turned frightened, definitely Bucky eyes towards Steve.

"I killed Howard."

He leaned against the counter, staring at the wall in his bathroom while Bucky stepped under the spray and he was relieved he at least knew that much. All those years Bucky cared for him as a kid, as an adult, it looked like Steve was finally going to be able to pay him back and the man didn't even remember what he did to deserve it.

Steve turned his head to him at the words, keeping his eyes on Bucky's and he nodded, expression full of sorrow. "Hydra killed Howard," he corrected, rubbing his face with his hand. "You didn't know what you were doing. All you had were orders. They pointed a weapon in the right direction and pulled the trigger. You're not the person that killed him."

The problem was going to be getting everyone else to see it.

"No one'd believe that, Steve," Bucky said, his smile sad and hurting, as if he had read the other man's mind. "I don't even believe it and I want it, so badly, to be true. But it keeps coming up. There are these moments, they're like flashes of dreams--" He lifted his fleshed hand to his face to pinch the bridge of his nose.

He was a monster.

"Is that really his son? He looks a lot like him," Bucky breathed. "I didn't... I don't know why I hurt him." He was dangerous. He was miserable. He couldn't trust himself.

"We have Hydra's files," Steve told him. He might as well know the truth. The ones dumped onto the internet didn't quite detail everything. Some of the torture was missing. His name was gone. The ones he had though and had backed up, those were terrible things. Hydra wiped everything out of his head and admitted it. Right there. All they needed to do was look at Zola's notes to realize it.

"I'll fight for you," he promised. "Because I believe it. I saw you on the Helicarrier. You weren't in there."

He nodded, "Yeah, and I know he does. It catches me off guard sometimes." Steve tilted his head, considering, "You were confused."

Bucky's lower lip trembled. "Can't we just go back to when you would take the couch cushions and make a bed up next to mine?" He wiped at his face almost angrily, and then flexed his metal fingers in horror. "I don't know what I am anymore...!"

These tidbits were getting lost on him. Every new piece of information was forcing others out into the open and it was just as painful as the wiping and the torture had ever been. He hadn't slept in days. He had eaten even less. His mind was losing it's way.

"You use to be so proud of me. I never wanted to go to war, Steve!" He'd been drafted, after all. He hadn't signed up.

"I wish we could, Bucky," Steve responded sadly. "I've wished that a few times since waking up. We're stuck here. We'll make the most of it."

He didn't know how to handle the violent, almost whiplashing of emotions, and didn't know what else the man remembered. Steve's forehead creased, trying to make sense of the words, "I'm still proud of you. I always will be. What do you mean you didn't want to go?"

Steve probably couldn't help Bucky the same way he wanted to. When it came to being brainwashed, there were a few other people around that might better help him out. Steve would just have to understand that and ask for help.

Bucky leaned back against the cold, cold tile, the steam from the overly hot water doing nothing to his skin by obscure him a little.

"You wanted so badly to join up. What was I suppose to do? Run to Canada? Tell you I didn't want to go...?"

No, more than likely he couldn't but he couldn't just leave him either. Steve would try anything to help him and right now, he hoped that was talking to him. Maybe just listening would help. He doubted it but he hoped so anyway.

"One of the reasons I was so determined to go was because of you," he muttered. Would he have pushed so hard if he knew Bucky didn't want to go? Would he have gone anyway? It was almost horrifying to think of everything that happened to the man and he was drafted. "I don't know, maybe."

"Are you kidding?" This was the most Bucky Steve had seen out of all of their encounters. "You lived and breathed wartime. You use to go to all of the shows, talk about your newest way to fake your testing--"

Bucky's face contorted and he looked back up into the spray before he reached for the shampoo. It took him a moment to pip the bottle open but he went to work on lathering up his hair.

It was going to take time, maybe more time than any of them had, for Bucky to stay himself.

He was happy to hear how much like Bucky the other man sounded right now. Maybe they were arguing but he didn't care. It was still his friend. He was still in there somewhere. Steve didn't expect that he would be back to normal after everything but he was alive and his personality was coming back.

"I didn't want you to go alone. I wasn't going to sit there and let you die for me," Steve said quietly. "And yeah, it was the right thing to do, but I was always going to follow you."

Steve would be here no matter how long it took. Until the end of the line.

Two hours later, in Steve's earpiece, Natasha informed him that there was a meal prepared for them both if he would come to the door and get it. Bucky had been talkative and catatonic and wept a little and grinned over war stories. He was incredibly unstable but no one was pushing him or Steve.

The redhead was the one to enter the room at Steve's say so, pizza and wings in a thick paper bag on hand, two liters of cola under her arm.

At this point, he was pretty sure someone would be concerned if Bucky wasn't at least a little unstable. After everything the man went through, it was to be expected. Steve did his best to encourage him to at least talk. He would listen and reminisce or whatever the man needed.

He knew Bucky had to be hungry and he sent for Natasha. He seemed to trust her, at least a little, from what Steve saw earlier.

"Hungry?" he asked, standing up to give her a hand carrying things.

"Is that pizza?" Bucky offered a watery smile and forced his metallic fingers to unclench before he watched the box make it's way to him. "They don't know how to do it right in DC."

Natasha was her charming self, smiling at Steve and at Bucky, trying to be sure that he would feel at ease with her just in case the Captain was ever called away. "Straight from this little pizza shop a few miles away Steve found the other day." Guess who noticed where you went with Tony? "You boys need anything else?

Guess who was now wondering how much Natasha knew about what Steve and Tony were up to the past couple days? He didn't even know how he felt yet. He really didn't need the rest of his team finding out. It would be too much of a mess.

"It's great pizza," he agreed, pouring them each a glass of soda. "Thanks Natasha, i think we're good right now. We'll let you know if we think of something."

Steve hadn't asked once about Tony, that was the only thing that was keeping that little piece of information out of her radar. That and that alone. Steve was focused entirely on Bucky. As it should be. They were housing potentially the most dangerous and prolific killer in the world. The Winter Soldier file had been poured through, decrypted and decades to the best of their ability and they still knew a good portion was missing.

The amount of deaths was therefore impossible to know. She left the pair alone and Bucky took a big piece of pizza.

"Is she sweet on you?"

Not yet, not where Bucky could hear him. He knew the man was struggling and bringing up the man he just kidnapped was not the best move. Steve wasn't completely unaware of how to deal with this. The answer for now was 'carefully'.

He spent two years hunting the man down. They needed to keep him here. He was dangerous to everyone right now. His shield behind his seat was the only open weapon in his apartment right now. Well, besides Bucky's arm. It really didn't matter though because they were both living weapons when it came down to it.

"Natasha?" He asked, blinking in surprise. "No, she flirts but she's really interested in another member of our team. Or she used to be. He went into hiding and I'm not sure if that's still going on."

Steve didn't ask. He doubted she would tell him anyway.

Post AoU for starkingenuity

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