Post AoU for starkingenuity

[starspangledspandex]

He's old. Old enough to have settled down. Old enough he's letting other people save the world and only stepping in from time to time. There's no 'Honey I'm home' when he steps through door. There's silence and quiet. He makes dinner for one. His bed is cold. He sits and reads the paper while he watches the world move on outside. There's laughter in the hallway. Footsteps. No one knocks on his door. He eats leaning against the counter in the kitchen. Alone. All alone. 'I got no plans tomorrow night' echos in his mind.

Suddenly, no one is on the streets. There are no numbers in his phone. Everything empty and gone and there's just Steve. Steve standing in nothingness. 'Man out of time' 'Nothing but a soldier' 'You can't live without a war' 'Go home, Steve'

He jolted awake, hand raising to rub at his face and it shouldn't have been a nightmare at all but it is anyway. How alone he felt in this century. His friends helped, they did, but they couldn't always be here. He lived and breathed his life as an Avenger. What else did he have? Nothing. He shook it off, like he always did and got dressed, laced up his boots. Most of his team was out of the picture right now. Off doing whatever they did on leave.

Steve paced his room at the New Avenger facility, paced the hallways and spoke to the Agents that were here. He took a walk outside and thought of Tony. The billionaire visited every once in awhile but it'd been awhile. He didn't even know what the man was up to now but Steve... Steve needed to connect with someone to shake off the dredges of his loneliness, someone that wasn't just working here, someone he had a connection to.

So he called Tony.

Comments

[whothehellisbucky]

"Are you kidding?" This was the most Bucky Steve had seen out of all of their encounters. "You lived and breathed wartime. You use to go to all of the shows, talk about your newest way to fake your testing--"

Bucky's face contorted and he looked back up into the spray before he reached for the shampoo. It took him a moment to pip the bottle open but he went to work on lathering up his hair.

It was going to take time, maybe more time than any of them had, for Bucky to stay himself.

[starspangledspandex]

He was happy to hear how much like Bucky the other man sounded right now. Maybe they were arguing but he didn't care. It was still his friend. He was still in there somewhere. Steve didn't expect that he would be back to normal after everything but he was alive and his personality was coming back.

"I didn't want you to go alone. I wasn't going to sit there and let you die for me," Steve said quietly. "And yeah, it was the right thing to do, but I was always going to follow you."

Steve would be here no matter how long it took. Until the end of the line.

[whothehellisbucky]

Two hours later, in Steve's earpiece, Natasha informed him that there was a meal prepared for them both if he would come to the door and get it. Bucky had been talkative and catatonic and wept a little and grinned over war stories. He was incredibly unstable but no one was pushing him or Steve.

The redhead was the one to enter the room at Steve's say so, pizza and wings in a thick paper bag on hand, two liters of cola under her arm.

[starspangledspandex]

At this point, he was pretty sure someone would be concerned if Bucky wasn't at least a little unstable. After everything the man went through, it was to be expected. Steve did his best to encourage him to at least talk. He would listen and reminisce or whatever the man needed.

He knew Bucky had to be hungry and he sent for Natasha. He seemed to trust her, at least a little, from what Steve saw earlier.

"Hungry?" he asked, standing up to give her a hand carrying things.

[whothehellisbucky]

"Is that pizza?" Bucky offered a watery smile and forced his metallic fingers to unclench before he watched the box make it's way to him. "They don't know how to do it right in DC."

Natasha was her charming self, smiling at Steve and at Bucky, trying to be sure that he would feel at ease with her just in case the Captain was ever called away. "Straight from this little pizza shop a few miles away Steve found the other day." Guess who noticed where you went with Tony? "You boys need anything else?

[starspangledspandex]

Guess who was now wondering how much Natasha knew about what Steve and Tony were up to the past couple days? He didn't even know how he felt yet. He really didn't need the rest of his team finding out. It would be too much of a mess.

"It's great pizza," he agreed, pouring them each a glass of soda. "Thanks Natasha, i think we're good right now. We'll let you know if we think of something."

[whothehellisbucky]

Steve hadn't asked once about Tony, that was the only thing that was keeping that little piece of information out of her radar. That and that alone. Steve was focused entirely on Bucky. As it should be. They were housing potentially the most dangerous and prolific killer in the world. The Winter Soldier file had been poured through, decrypted and decades to the best of their ability and they still knew a good portion was missing.

The amount of deaths was therefore impossible to know. She left the pair alone and Bucky took a big piece of pizza.

"Is she sweet on you?"

[starspangledspandex]

Not yet, not where Bucky could hear him. He knew the man was struggling and bringing up the man he just kidnapped was not the best move. Steve wasn't completely unaware of how to deal with this. The answer for now was 'carefully'.

He spent two years hunting the man down. They needed to keep him here. He was dangerous to everyone right now. His shield behind his seat was the only open weapon in his apartment right now. Well, besides Bucky's arm. It really didn't matter though because they were both living weapons when it came down to it.

"Natasha?" He asked, blinking in surprise. "No, she flirts but she's really interested in another member of our team. Or she used to be. He went into hiding and I'm not sure if that's still going on."

Steve didn't ask. He doubted she would tell him anyway.

[whothehellisbucky]

"Too bad. That one seems nice." It was more pizza, more pleasant talking, and this time, Bucky was Bucky for almost a full hour straight before he went catatonic again. Nothing Steve did it said got through to him.

So when he emerged from his room after what had to be a very emotionally trying few hours, it wasn't Natasha to greet him. It was Wanda.

Her large eyes looked mysteriously as she looked up at him, lips pressed into a thin line.

"I can help."

[starspangledspandex]

"She is," he agreed and he didn't mention he might be sweet on someone else. He didn't want to mix things up when he didn't even know. Before the war, he would have talked about it no problem but Bucky had enough on his plate right now.

It was so great to finally have his friend around. He missed him dearly. He would take all of the problems they were bound to have just to have him back again.

When Bucky went catatonic again, he was frustrated. He couldn't fix it. He apparently couldn't get through to him. He needed a break. So he decided to just give the man time and collected his shield before he stepped out in the hallway.

Wanda surprised Steve and he stared at her for a moment. "I can't ask you to do that. What's in his head..." He shook his head, "It's going to be horrifying. You only saw a glimpse of what Hydra was capable of with Strucker."

[whothehellisbucky]

"The one thing I like about the Avengers is that we are meant to help one another, are we not?" Wanda asked. "He is... He was used. Like Pietro and I were used. Please. Allow me to do this. You are tired."

She had taken Steve right away, if only because she needed a brother aspect again in her life. She was sorely lacking that.

[starspangledspandex]

Steve was tired and she didn't need to be in his head to see it either. He eyed her again, considering as he weighed their options. He didn't like it. She didn't need to see what worse things people were capable of doing.

Steve's shoulders dropped slightly. It was hard to be captain of the Avengers. He couldn't fill the gap left by Pietro but he did his best to support her when she needed it, to vouch for her.

"I need to be there when you do it," he told her, raising a hand to stop any protests. Steve knew she could protect herself but she needed back-up. They couldn't let him run and he was physically stronger than her. It only took a moment to lose the upper hand. "And maybe Natasha."

[whothehellisbucky]

"Tell me when." Wanda was ready and prepared. More than ready in all honesty. She wanted to help and if it would keep Bucky from hurting her new friends, her family, she didn't feel that this was even a choice. It was what needed to be done.

SHIELD agents surrounded the door after Steve left, each one prepared as far as anyone could be prepared for the Winter Soldier. It would give Steve a little while to walk around and think at least.

[starspangledspandex]

"Give me an hour," Steve told her. He needed the time to think and clear his head so that he was ready for this. It wasn't easy to decompress but before they messed with Bucky's head he really needed to focus.

Now was a good time to check on Tony and make sure he was doing alright anyway. He felt like any immediate threat from Bucky was currently over and trusted the agents not to be stupid.

[whothehellisbucky]

It was Friday that answered the call in her chipper, programmed voice. "Mr. Stark is sleeping now," she told Steve. "He took a see bit too many pain killers for the job and more scotch than I recommended but you know the boss! He never listens. Would you care to leave a message?"

The truth was that Tony was not sleeping. He'd been taken care of quickly and easily, had skin and bones more or less printed back into place again though that didn't stop the pain.

What he was doing was drowning himself in work. He'd listened to Bucky rant about Howard. Steve's best friend had killed his dad. That wasn't much of a problem. The Soldier was not Bucky. He was just too busy sulking over being alone.

He'd expected to come to with Steve there.

[starspangledspandex]

Steve did know Tony, that was true, but he didn't know him well enough to even begin to guess that Friday might be lying to him. He was really hoping to talk to him. It would have made him feel better to hear the older man tell him how he was feeling himself, instead of through a robot. It would have made a nice distraction. Now he was going to have to go for a walk or something.

"Yeah, just let him know I called to see how he was doing and that we're all settled in here. If he needs anything, let me know," he told the AI. "And tell him sorry I didn't visit in medical. I couldn't leave until Bucky was somewhat stable."

[whothehellisbucky]

"Will do, Cap!"

The older man was lonely but it was a loneliness he understood very, very well. It was a loneliness he had lived with his entire life. Just because he had fucked Steve for over two days straight (and had meals with him and watched movies and laughed and the other things people did as couples) didn't mean anything in the long run.

Steve could make it up to him. Later.

An hour passed and Natasha, Sam and Wanda found Steve wandering alone by the gym. "Hey, Steve," Sam said with a smile. "Let's get this thing done."

[starspangledspandex]

It meant more than he wanted to consider right now. He might, when some of the dust settled, have more time to focus on his feelings. He didn't know where they would lead him but he needed to be honest with himself about it. It wasn't going to happen when he was focused on Bucky.

He would definitely make it up to him. Ice cream was a good apology, right? He would just melt it a little on his abs. Problem solved.

So he went for a walk. Paced. Punched the bag a few dozen times. Was it fair to mess with the man's head when Hydra already did? He didn't see how that would help him trust them. He shifted toward them when they came up, "We need to ask his permission. If he doesn't want to do it, we can't push it."

[whothehellisbucky]

Wanda said nothing, neither did Natasha so Sam felt the need to point out the obvious.

"Steve? How do we know he won't just be... I don't know, doing it because we tell him to?" The man shrugged but no one seemed to have a really good idea on how to gauge how much Bucky was in there when the Soldier had been sitting quietly and still for over an hour and a half now.

"I... What I would like to do is block the bad memories. It is like a bandage or a dam. It won't last forever but it will keep him more himself," Wanda said finally at the door when no one had any other input. "Perhaps that way on our next sessions he can give better permission?"

[starspangledspandex]

"He might," he admitted, because the man seemed to respond to orders. He really wished it were easier but there was no sense in dwelling on it. "But we're going to ask anyway."

It would make him feel better. Friends encouraged friends to do what they thought was best for them. So long as they asked, they weren't like Hydra. They weren't forcing it on him. "He says he's done and that's it," he told Wanda as they stood outside Steve's room. "We have to respect him. He has to trust us to do the right thing."

He nodded, "Do what you have to but... be careful."

[whothehellisbucky]

They did ask and Bucky didn't move. Sam asked again just to be clear but he stepped back the moment those pale eyes turned towards him and tried to play it off as if he hadn't been momentarily frightened.

Wanda took her spot behind the Soldier, fingers moving on either side of his head before they both tranced out. What she found in there moved her to tears and she pulled back after only three sort minutes, gasping for breath. Bucky leaped to his feet immediately and both Natasha and Sam pulled their weapons before Steve's best friend sprinted off to the bathroom.

Natasha moved to the door first and leaned her head against it before she holstered her weapon. "Sam, help me with Wanda." The rest was for Steve to do.

[starspangledspandex]

When there was no response, Steve just nodded at Wanda. They weren't going to get an answer and he was worried that the longer they left him this way, the more it would stick. He didn't want Bucky reverting back into the Soldier if they could help it.

When everything erupted, he took a step forward, eyes on Bucky even as a hand reached for Wanda. He was always torn. Always. He was glad he brought back-up to this. They would take care of her while he went to the door.

He knocked lightly, figuring he would wait before doing something drastic like busting the door down, "Bucky?"

[whothehellisbucky]

"Why didn't I die?!" The door wasn't locked, Bucky just didn't want strangers to see him cry. It wasn't very manly at all and he felt the need to keep up that appearance. Once upon a time, he'd been able to take any dame he wanted to out for a good time, get a kiss here or there, and not have to worry about losing part of himself. He could barely remember what happiness was like, but he did know now that there was some other person inside of him looking out through his eyes. He could almost feel him squirming.

If Steve came in, he'd find Bucky seated on the floor, wedged between the toilet and the shower. He barely fit in there, but they told you to take cover from bombs when they were kids and...

This felt like he was getting bombs dropped on his head

[starspangledspandex]

His eyes closed at the words. They pierced him straight to his heart. Memories of his friend laughing still shown in his mind. So happy and carefree. He barely knew what to say now.

Quietly, he tried the handle and after hesitating a moment, he came in. He shut the door gently behind him. He understood not wanting anyone to see him but they were friends. Seventy-five years ago the man would have done the same for him.

"Guess somebody thought we should be together again," he murmured. This was surely fate--wasn't it? How could it not be? All this stuff happening now. "The real answer is Zola. That first time I came after you, he did some kind of experiment. It was the start of the entire process."

[whothehellisbucky]

Leave it to Steve to say all of the right words. Bucky looked terrible, but he had to grin when the blond sat across from him, knees up. He remembered him being so small.. That image was still first and foremost in his mind. He remembered his life around the war so clearly. The initial experiments, Steve finding him, and the train, those were blurry and difficult to grasp, so he didn't even try. "Doesn't matter. I'm all sorts of messed up but you're still taller than me and yeah, we're together again. So that's something."

Whatever Wanda did to block the trauma was a small miracle. Bucky was still a little shaken and every time he saw his hand he broke out into a sweat or started to hyperventilate. But it was a start.

"Guess...it's my turn for those cushions on the floor," he said as it was growing dark outside. He'd moved to Steve side and while he wasn't touching him, he almost was and that felt good too. Maybe one day he'd trust himself with another person again.