Just a Kid from Brooklyn

The other man could hardly blame him for moving right? It certainly sounded like he understood but Steve still felt a little bad about it anyway. He really wasn't trying to think about it.

Steve was as confused as Bucky about which instincts to follow. Most of him wanted to bite Bucky but there were parts that wanted to let him do the dirty work. His Guide instincts shouldn't be that prevalent with all the treatments he did so far.

"Yeah," he agrees, rather intelligently, and he couldn't make himself form any other words. This wasn't good.

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As if that wasn't bad enough with the mixed singles going on around here, Bucky climbed up into Steve's lap like it was natural to do so. He let his real fingers card through soft blond hair, hips undulating and head falling back. He pulled Steve's lips towards his throat.

Why bother to speak? He wanted this. His body wasn't wrong. This was natural.

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Yeah, that wasn't helping Steve at all. He swallowed again, hands moving to settle on Bucky's hips and it was with the intent to keep them from moving but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Buck," he whispered, voice a little desperate, because he wanted Tony and he couldn't bond anyway.

Instinct still won and Steve snarled, unable to help himself. He was being offered a highly compatible Guide. What else could he do? He bit down, hard, everything but then suddenly out of his head.

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It was awkward, but a little flexibility courtesy of the Russians and endless hours of training helped Bucky to lean around and bite Steve as well. The rush of combined hormones triggered heat in them both almost instantly. Bucky shoved his hand through the wall at once point and tried to use their discarded clothing to sort of make a nest with Steve's equally useless help. It was a little hard to tell what was going on because Sentinels were notoriously savage and that overplayed the parts of each of them that were Guides.

If blood was spilled, no one noticed. Bucky could feel himself becoming Steve... And he felt Steve inside of him too. The sensation was a little frightening. He knew all about bonding. Every school kid learned the basics in school. The Guide made the bond and the Sentinel sunk that bond within him or herself. That was natural. But this felt double ended, two bonds passing parallel to one another.

Bucky didn't know who won the struggle in the end for dominance but it didn't matter. Even if Steve was inside of him, he could feel himself do the trusting. And if he had bested Steve, it hardly mattered because he felt himself filled with thick, burning bliss.

It might not be pretty or natural but it was still perfect to Bucky Barnes. He'd lost everything-- And now he'd found his mate. And he'd been there all along.

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The rush of hormones made this almost mindless between them. It was all pure instinct and Steve gave as good as he got as they rolled around. He didn't really know who went where either. It didn't matter. They were one.

The feel of the bond was a shock but also a relief to his strained and wanting instincts. The failed bonding had more of an effect on him than even he had realized. It made him susceptible to giving in far too easily to this bond when he was pushed,

When the hormones settled and his mind cleared, he was only briefly content. Then everything came crashing down around him. It was Bucky wrapped around him and not Tony. Tony who he loved and cared about and who would absolutely be ruined.

Honestly, he wasn't doing too much better at the moment.

Steve made a strangled, horrified sound. Devestation and heartbreak rushing through him. "No," he whispered, like that would make it go away. It might be perfect for Bucky but it wasn't for Steve. He loved Bucky but he didn't want to bond him. His compatibility with Tony was perfect. He spent the last two years loving Tony.

"No," he said again, shoving out of their shoddy makeshift nest.

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Bucky was exhausted and things actually hurt in a pleasant way that he had forgotten was even possible. It had not been his intention to do this, but now that he had, it was like his whole awful, half forgotten life had led right up to this moment. He smiled into Steve's hair, cradling him to his chest like he use to do when Steve didn't try to hide his tears as a boy--

And then it all came crashing down. Steve's horror washed over him, physically causing him to recoil. That was the bit of Sentinel in him reacting to the Guide. His immediate attempt to reach out and calm Steve with a touch was the Guide reacting to the distressed Sentinel.

Bucky felt everything crash an he drew away the moment he tried to reach out. He knew what he had done. Steve said no. Instinct said yes.

For the first time in years, Bucky felt tears sting his eyes. "I-- I'm sorry, I just--"

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He couldn't blame Bucky for instinct. He really couldn't. It didn't mean his heart wasn't breaking. He knew the other man could feel it but he couldn't stop it from happening.

Steve backed away further, back hitting the wall behind him and he slid down it. Tears were falling silently down his cheeks. He wasn't supposed to be able to bond. If he could, he would have already done it. They wouldn't have been able to make this mistake.

"I love you, Buck. I do," he said, voice cracking slightly. "I just... I have Tony. He has part of a bond already. It was supposed to be him." More tears fell, making it too hard for Steve to speak properly.

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Bucky's mind was already at war with itself and he didn't need the added stress of the new bond dumping more on him. He could literally feel his brain starting to disconnect, wires pulling out of circuit boards. Having been through these fits before, terrifying as they could be, he also knew that he wouldn't be dangerous.... Just blank. It was sort of like zoning into a fugue, only less deep and with a stopper. It was how HYDRA controlled him.

Would that drag Steve down too?

Bucky dressed quickly in whatever was left of his clothing, sluggish but still faster than a regular person would be able to.

"Don't follow me."

There was a range to these things. All he had to do was run and keep running until he couldn't feel this terrible thing any more.

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He watched Bucky with tired, teary eyes. Steve didn't know what to say. His feelings were obvious enough. The ones coming from Bucky were confusing. The last thing he wanted the man to do was leave. They needed to talk about this.

"Buck," he said, standing up. He would let him go but he couldn't spend years hunting him again, not with their new development. "Where are you going? Where can I find you? You should come back with me. We have... We have to figure this out."

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"Figure it out?!" Bucky snarled, the Sentinel in him overly agitated. Bonding was not suppose to end in guilt and tears and heartache the likes of which he had never thought was possible. "What are we suppose to figure out, Steve?!"

This was suppose to be the best day of his life. Not the worst. He felt himself slipping and Bucky stopped trying to catch it. The tug on Guide end of Steve's bond ought to tell him that the fugue was imminent. Bucky was breathing hard and teetering on the edge of that abyss.

"I'm sorry for my part in it." He left a hand print as he jumped through the glassless, open window, a fist in the bricks.

He wouldn't get too far before conditioning took over. If Steve wanted to go after him, he certainly could. He was just a mile up the road and already spotted by HYDRA masquerading as whatever was left of SHIELD.

He'd be home soon.

But Tony? Bruce was going to have to sedate him. His blood pressure was through the roof and he had screamed himself hoarse right in the middle of an experiment. Tony did have panic attacks but this really was not normal.

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"I don't know," he whispered to the empty space the man used to be standing. All he knew was they were stuck like this because in his day and age this sort of thing was permanent and if something happened to Bucky, it wouldn't be good news for Captain America.

He didn't know what the feelings from his Guide side meant. He never experienced them before and he didn't know why they activated now, except for assuming it was something the scientists had done.

Steve dressed slowly and stood, just trying to figure out what to do, before he headed home. He didn't really want to face what was coming. It hurt too much. It took awhile before Sam picked him up and he gave Steve a funny look, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything.

He just wanted to see Tony.

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Tony was asleep, artificially coaxed to unconsciousness because, frankly, there hadn't been any other way to get him to calm down. It wasn't just a panic attack and when Bruce ticked off the check marks, he could only assume that Steve Rogers, their leader, had died. Tony's end of the bond, the only end that really existed in a closed circuit, had severed.

So when Steve came back to base, Banner and everyone else was pretty damned shocked.

The blond was still told where Tony was and one of the FitzSimmons explained what had happened. They knew better than to really discuss it at the moment though.

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It made sense. A person couldn't have two mates, right? Bonding with someone different would have to break the other tie even if Steve couldn't feel it. He didn't know for sure but it made sense. It wasn't like anyone had this come up before now.

Steve didn't talk to anyone. He just assured them he wasn't dead and went to talk to Tony. The older man deserved to hear it first. When he woke up, anyway.

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Coming out of a drug induced sleep was difficult. Tony was groggy and he felt like there was a massive part of him missing. Sam would be the only person here that could understand what the loss of a Sentinel was.

He had no idea that Steve was there at all, not until he turned, holding his head to stop the ache against his palm. He felt sick to his stomach--

And when he saw Steve, he almost fell out of bed to get to him, legs wrapped up in sheets. It would only take one touch to know that there was a fully formed bond, though. Skin to skin would tell him everything.

He didn't recoil from being caught before face planting. He just gripped Steve's arm tightly.

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He caught him as he fell. It was easy and natural and everything felt more right with Tony than it did with Bucky. Of course, as soon as the man's hand gripped his arm, he would know that Steve broke his promise.

"I... I told him no," he whispered, tears forming again in his blue eyes. "He just... I don't know, couldn't fight his instinct."

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Tony felt like throwing up. He blinked up at Steve as if the man had just slapped him. The shock didn't drain from his face. He could feel it stinging his cheeks and the corners of his eyes as he slowly exhaled.

Steve would never blame another person, so Tony didn't take this as an attempt to shirk off responsibility. It only told him who it was with.

Bucky. Bucky was a Sentinel.

And Steve was originally a Guide.

He shook his head. "I thought you died." Let's focus on the things he could manage. Not that the love of his life was leaving him.

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"I'm sorry," he whispered, trying to draw the man in closer to him. He needed the comfort right now. He didnt want to leave Tony either which just made this all even worse. He wanted his Guide. He didn't want to be both. Steve didn't know the first thing about being a Guide.

His voice breaks, "I'm sorry."

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Tony imagined he could smell the other man on him but he couldn't. Steve looked like he had been in a fight, though. His hair was a mess and there was brick dust caught in the strands.

They had just waited for so long. They had waited and fallen in love-- No wonder Sentinels and Guides tended to do a quickly bonding and figure the rest out later. Losing a mate to someone else because of wishywashy morality issues?

He could hate Steve right now. It would be easy. So very easy.

Instead, he felt the Sentinel hurting through skin on skin contact and while Steve didn't know how to be a Guide, Tony did. He took the pain, he brushed some of the worry aside.

But he didn't cry. And he didn't try for anything more. No kiss, no further invasion of space.

"Where is he?" Steve wasn't his any more.

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Physically he might not be Tony's but mentally he still is and it was what created some of his current problem. He wished now that he didn't wait but what would it have mattered? They could still be searching for a solution.

Steve shook his head, "I... I don't know. I was upset and he didn't take it well. He ran and I couldn't bring myself to stop him."

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Tony was torn on his reaction. He was equally pleased and annoyed at that reaction. Bucky had stolen his Sentinel... But at the same time, Tony knew very well what could happen when hormones hit. He'd physically put himself in armor and flown halfway across the world when kissing Steve turned into a desire for sex and that dangerously flickered towards heat.

Tony didn't know the circumstances here. He just knew that Steve pushing away a bondmate was pretty horrible. That could be the empathy talking.

"You're an idiot," Tony said, glad he was still dressed. He was just missing his shoes. "Find my boots. We have to get him."

And even that was pretty self serving too.

"How long was I out? How long have you been here? We only a few hours."

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"What was I supposed to do?" Steve asked quietly, eyes horribly sad and heartbroken. "I wanted you. I still do. And he knew that. I told him about you."

He shook his head, "I don't know. It took me an hour to get back here. I've been sitting here another one or two."

Steve forced himself to stand up and he picked up the shield from its resting place against the wall. "Let's go."

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"Shit. Okay, but you're not like other Sentinels. We can still do this," Tony grumbled. Poor Steve probably didn't know about bond dissolving. Something so new could be done with very little damage.

More or less. He wasn't sure of the exact science of it..

Walking with a head this chalky did make him stumble and he held onto Steve with a frown. "I hate to ask, I'm better than this, but thing you can give me a lift?"

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No, he didn't know. He could only catch up on so much information. So as far as Steve knew, he was stuck with the wrong person. Well, not necessarily wrong, just not the one he wanted. He hated to think it. All those times he wished his friend was back... Was it so wrong he moved on and found love somewhere else?

"Anything for you," he murmured and maybe it was ridiculous but he needed to show Tony that he cared about him still. Steve wasted no time in swinging the man up into his arms. "Will you be alright in the suit?"

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"J will drive me," Tony said, an arm slung around Steve's shoulder to avoid tipping over out of his reach. Not that he thought Steve would ever drop him, of course. "But we'll take a jet. I know it's not safe. Trust me. I was getting some up to date information there until you went radio silent on JARVIS," Tony pointed out.

He pretty much knew why that was too. It was just better not to think about it.

"We don't have a choice. We have to find him and get you both to a hospital as quickly as possible if this... If we can get him to agree to a separation."

He had mixed feelings about that, too.

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